"Yet, it’s the memories that you wish to remember forever that seem to always have a place in the front of the line." - Wanderlust
It was St. Patrick’s Day in 2013.
The strangers still waved their own country’s flags, yet
they were all sporting random color pops of green. Dozens of Irish flags rose
proudly among the crowd.
Kelly green *gems* were glued to my face.
A four-leaf
clover here,
a four-leaf clover there.
It was day three and the excitement
hadn’t died for even one second.
If anything, the excitement was growing. We were in a line of –s-e-v-e-n-- ,
It was starting.
A ridiculous grin spread over my face. As we glanced at one another, we knew we didn’t need to say anything. Our smiles spoke for us all. In a sea of many unknown faces, I was surrounded by the people who I love more than anything.
I think about this day when I need a break from reality;
a
visit back into a happier place.
Our then-favorite song blared through the speakers louder
than anything I’ve ever heard, fulfilling my insides with good spirits. This
was my paradise. This was my seventh heaven. I took a second to close my eyes
and embrace the memory of it all: the smell, the sound, the sight, the feel,
the taste of this incredible euphoria.
This is my front-of-the-line memory, and
I don't ever want it to fade.
This post works really well structurally. It starts with an epigraph from the other blog and ends tying back to that epigraph. The front-of-the-line memory is a great way to incorporate the other blog because it allows for more flexibility.
ReplyDeleteThe textual play is strategic; the word green being the color green and the asterisk symbolizing the gems effectively communicate the narrative. The placement of the four-leaf-clovers “here and there” is cleverly thought out. By hyphenating the letters in the word seven, I can imagine seven friends linking together, snaking through a crowd. These elements slow down the reading, challenging the reader to consider and understand the reasoning behind the choices. It makes the reader an active participant, which all texts should aim to do.
I think it is smart to place your image where you do because the reader gets the break in the text that you say you sometimes need from reality. Another great strategy that you use is inserting the song. The reader can be right there with you as you explain these emotions. When you talk about the senses, maybe you could’ve expanded on those and made them more detailed? At this point, I want to know everything about the experience and I think those parts of the experience were neglected. I also like how you end with the video, leaving us with your memory that you don’t want to fade. I’m not sure if my computer doesn’t play the video properly, but I like the flash of still images. Sometimes memories work that way instead of being cinematic and fluid. If the video would’ve been at the beginning, we would’ve read the post through a specific lens. Since it comes at the end, we have the opportunity to construct our own imagined experience, as well as experience yours.
Great post and great attention to detail!
I should start out by saying how much I enjoyed reading your journal entry, however, I would like to offer some points of criticism and praise that I hope you can use to improve your future entries. First off, I loved how you started your entry off with such a fitting quote, having been to Ultra I thought that this quote (and the rest of your entry) perfectly captured the essence of UMF. Second, I thought that the spacing and timing of your entry was impeccable, specifically, “A four-leaf clover here,...a four-leaf clover there.” That concrete space you added in between the two phrases helped to show the vastness of Bayside Park, the setting for the story. Third, I thought the inclusion of a .gif file was brilliant. Your story goes to such great lengths to describe the indescribable lights, colors and sounds of Ultra Music Festival the addition of a moving .gif file helps your readers really insert themselves into the story. Finally, I liked the wallpaper that you gave to your blog. While it is without a doubt a busy pattern, the abstract swirl conveys the energy of the festival that you are talking about in the story. Some complaints that I have with your blog are that I think you should have chosen another color than white for your background. Compared to the imagery that you are painting and the colorful .gif and photo, it seems lackluster and out of place. Perhaps choose a brighter color like green, that would at least match the St. Patty’s day theme that you began the first part of the story. Finally, I think that your post could have benefitted from a different title. While “Front-of-the-line Memory” worked, it never really went along with what was contained within the story, only the first quote. With a little revision and reworking your story would be perfect, good job.
ReplyDelete